“Floating When I Can’t Swim”


By Howard Lovely, Jr.

Today a very alert Friend stated that she has noticed how I accept my condition with seemingly no anger at this time. I told her that I have been stuck in feelings of anger and emotionally out of control many times; however, after so many years I have simply gotten tired of,…and learned to,…stop fighting. It’s a strategy that keeps me from drowning in a sea of dispar, anger and frustration. It’s kind of like not knowing how to swim,…while struggling and flopping around all tense,…will most likely cause me to sink in a lake. However, learning to shift my thinking and gently relaxing my mind and body will allow me to float “calmly”,…in that same water,…not swim,…just float. I can do a metaphorical mental form of this concept. While living with the multitude of frustrations that accompany Mental-Illness,…I’m still unable to fix myself immediately,…unable to speed up my healing process,…yet I can just mentally-float. The mental-floating is a type of acceptance, acknowledgement and surrender to my condition,…that [lessens] anger and frustration while I’m fully aware of my Human-predicament. If I’m fortunate enough,…the currents of my divine journey may drift me toward liberation.

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